NOTE: I did not use the names of the family out of respect.
I recently had a friend who had her grandmother pass away. We have all lost someone close to us at some point in life, but if you haven't then expect to at some point. The elderly woman was last seen by a neighbor walking to her mail box Wednesday afternoon, later that evening the snow began to fall. The snow lasted all through the night and the temperature was well below freezing.
It is known that the woman suffered from dementia, she was born in the mid 1920's and I am sure she lived a long and wonderful life. I have never met the lady, but her loving granddaughter is a wonderful spirit to know and has befriended me in my time here in the Cumberland Mountains. My friend just took a trip out west to Texas, and she being a part of a tight nit family took her grandmother. That is a 980 mile trip. That is love. From what I gather, they took their time and enjoyed themselves by stopping and looking around towns and even making an appearance at Graceland. The trip I believe lasted only two weeks, but for someone in their 80's probably felt like a life time.
I have a grandmother born in the same decade, I do not know the real age of my grandmother but she swears she is only 79. Though she has been 79 for some years now. Dot-Dot, my grandmother as she is known to us children had been alone for the better part of her life. She was married once, but lost her husband in a tragic boating accident. She briefly remarried once after, though I don't think that went so well seeing how I only know through pilfering through her belongings kept stashed in her closet. It has never been mentioned so I don't ask.
Hot-Dot as I call her dedicated her life to raising her children and grandchildren. She had ample opportunity to re marry if she would have been interested, but she chose to be alone. She mocked at the idea of having another companion, " I don't think I would know what to do if I met another man." she would say. Needless to say, I being the youngest of the grand kids have brought up the rear and graduated college, got married, had kids and see her at least once every week or every other week. So now that there are no more kids to worry about, guess what she did for her self - got a man!
Dot-Dot started seeing Robert a few years ago after they met at lunch one Sunday afternoon. It did not take long for my grandmother to forget about her grand kids or her girl friends, she got herself a man. You could never find her, she was never at home, nor here nor there, just always with Robert. Her home had become like many young people who fall in love, a place to keep her things and sleep at night. She began staying out all day with Robert then coming home and going to bed, just like a teenager. It was sweet to see her act like a school age girl with a crush. She had a new life
After a few years of dating, they moved in with one another. My grandmother left the house my parents gave her, left the yard I designed for her full of blooming wonders around each corner for a new found love. I understand why, all of the other grand kids understand why, but her children not so much. Sure she has been single for most of her adult life, she married as a teenager and widowed before she could bat an eye. She has been retired for sometime now and her checks she receives from the government keep getting smaller and smaller for one to survive on. With her moving in with her man, they could survive the dwindling economy they are forced to deal with, again. Her children see it as two people not married.
Marriage from what I can gather in my short 30 years is a life long commitment. At what age should "Christians" quit judging those who live together without being married. According to 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, one should marry if they can not resist the temptation of immorality. At what point can two people well past the prime of the temptation of immorality not live together? I am for one relieved that my grandmother doesn't live alone.
The elderly woman who passed away lived alone. Living alone is not always bad, but when you look at the odds of it when you are in your 80's the odds are in Gods hand. On Thursday just before noon, county officers dusted the snow off of her frozen body and identified the body. Allegedly, she was found lying next to a straw trailer in the neighbors field frozen in memories.
Interesting perspective... As I traveled through my studies, I came to learn about and study many of the world's religions. What I learned is that most of them have such common ground that it can be rather difficult to tell them apart, at least on the surface. I think the basic tenant we are dealing with in your scenario dabbles in the question of whether or not it is "okay" to betray your own heart. After all, a less religious man told us, "To thy own self be true".
ReplyDeleteIt seems that after years of being alone, although I do not think it would be the same for everyone, one could be true to his/her own heart and "move on".
2 Corinthians 11:3 provides direction to Christians and states, "But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtlety, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ."...
"Love". It's that simple. I hope "Hot Dot" finds love, again, and continues to love.
- Jeremy Hof, Ph.D.
Wow, the ending is so tragic. Outside in the snow.. It's hard not to picture my own Granny in that situation.
ReplyDeleteI went through a similar scenario as you - My Granny married young, and lost her husband after many many years. She lived alone in the house he built for their family briefly before meeting Dewey, a rock hound, fiddle player and story teller at a line dancing mixer.
She, too, had the giddiness associated with new love. However, while her surviving children were very supportive, the grandchildren felt as if she were betraying her deceased husband. (Myself included.)
Unfortunately, it took several years to mature enough to see how happy he made our Granny. As an adult, my Granny spoke with me, not as a child anymore, but as her peer, about how her life had evolved. She was incredibly poor and my grandfather was the son of a mill manager. He was very handsome, and pursued her relentlessly. (She recalled having to slap him once when he tried to get fresh.)
Eventually, they married. I’m not sure of how long their courtship was, but she was married by 14, with her first child shortly thereafter.
She grew up feeling the social stigma associated with being a bastard child, a label that she still feels deeply about. She said she was mocked by her peers, and always felt as if her mother’s decision was a reflection on her own worth. Luckily, society has evolved beyond such silly judgments, but as she looked at me with tears on her cheeks, it was clear this has been a lifelong issue with her. As much as her entire family tried to reassure her, it hasn’t made a dent in the psychological trauma she experienced as a youth.
As an adult, I realize that she might not have married my grandfather because she was madly in love, and couldn’t be without him – it seems more like it was a desperate situation, and she felt she had no other choice. He was well-to-do, and she felt she had no other options.
Of course, they wound up loving each other deeply, and my grandfather, while fathering five children, also “allowed” (this is the 50’s..) her to obtain her GED, attend college and eventually work for the government as a IT Security specialist with high-level security clearance.
This seems like a hugely unlikely path for her to follow, but she has proven that she can stand on her own, and fought a gross amount of oppression to achieve her status.
She and Dewey were together for 10 years until his death last November. I didn’t realize until the end of Dewey’s life, that he was my Granny’s greatest achievement. As a child, she was pushed into a marriage and family that she didn’t necessarily choose for herself. With Dewey, she laughed and danced and socialized more than she was ever able to with my grandfather and a mess of kids. She chose Dewey – she didn’t HAVE to be with him.
My Granny is now 80, and I feel she will probably remain alone, now. She is suffering great depression and a lack of motivation to socialize. She is incredibly intelligent, witty and clear-headed, but being widowed twice, with both having very long periods of deterioration is incredibly overwhelming, and I don’t blame her for not pursuing another relationship.
I am just eternally grateful that she was able to have 10 years of bliss with Dewey, and it pains me to know that he’s gone. I wish your grandmother ALL of the best, and I hope she is never alone again.
thanks for killing my formatting, blogspot. :-\
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